I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
