You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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