I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
