Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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