I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
