she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
