That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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