never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And then he peed in my hair
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