I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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