felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
