I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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