arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
