does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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