Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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