I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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