I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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