Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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