Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
