Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
