I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
