i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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