Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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