I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
