I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
