what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
