Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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