We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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