okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
