you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
