Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
pop tarts are not kleenex
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
