it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
