the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
