I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
