easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
how does that bad decision feel?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
