I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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