Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.