So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
