i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's never too late to be topless.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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