My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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