yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
