So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
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Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
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I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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