I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
