my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
