Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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