Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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