Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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