Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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