im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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