I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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