I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
