I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
