Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
