forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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