she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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