Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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