Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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