Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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