JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we're so committed to being not committed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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