I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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