she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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