what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
