There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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