it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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