i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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