And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
