she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
