I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Drunk is not a location!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
