I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
