Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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