i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
