i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
